


in the darkness, the silence reigns supreme

by smartbuckley



Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [6]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Admissions Of Guilt, Admissions of Wrong Doing, Established Relationship, M/M, Making Up, Mean Team, Silent Buck, forgotten birthdays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-29 00:50:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21401440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartbuckley/pseuds/smartbuckley
Summary: From the following prompt:Buddie Prompt: Buck has been trying his hardest to get back into the good graces of his team but all his efforts have been failures so far. After so many rejections, he stops trying, stops cracking jokes, barely joins conversations and keeps to himself more so then ever. The team doesn’t realize why the dynamic changed until it hits them that they are use to buck filling up the air with his voice and they begin to wonder how long it has been since they heard him speak
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1528010
Comments: 13
Kudos: 542
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	in the darkness, the silence reigns supreme

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh, this took me way too long to finish, but I hope whomever asked for this enjoyed it. There's mentions of Eddie's street fighting near the end, but it's not a huge plot point. And admittedly, neither is the treatment of the team, lol.

On a rainy day, Buck realizes he hasn’t spoken to anyone at the one-eighteen in months, and his heart breaks at that realization. Not over the fact that he hasn’t used his voice, because it’s something he was used to growing up, always punished for speaking out of turn, but because no one at the one-eighteen has even realized it themselves, and if they have, they sure as hell don’t care. He’s sitting on one of the couches near the kitchen of the upper level in the fire station, and all around him, people are talking to one another, and Buck comes to the realization that no one cares, because today, of all days, is his birthday. And other than Maddie texting him… he’s not said one word to anyone in the one-eighteen about it.

He’s on his phone though, ignoring everyone the way they ignore him, because that’s how it goes now. That’s how it’s gone since he dropped the lawsuit and came back to the one-eighteen, even after his apologies were made. His throat is sore because he had talked to a little girl on the call they were on, had calmed her down to the best of his ability, and it was the most he had used his voice in so long, that now, he was paying the price for it.

Part of him wanted to rub his throat with his hand, drink some tea to soothe the pain but he knows the minute he gets up, everyone at the table or in the kitchen is going to go silent and watch him with wary eyes and Buck just… doesn’t want that today. He’s tired of it, everyday, admittedly, but today especially. He’s hurt enough as it is that no one in this place has remembered his birthday — he doesn’t know what he’d do if they continued their cruel act on him throughout the day instead of just ignoring him.

He can handle being ignored, though it wasn’t always like that. He could handle it the way he handled his team-mates isolating him from all that made them his family. 

As in, barely at all.

But he could handle it right now, and with the team laughing at something, Buck realized he couldn’t do it, not today. Without a single thought, he manages to get up and make his way downstairs, to one of the spare rooms with a bed in it, opening and closing the door and not bothering to turn on the light.

What’s the point, he thinks.

No one’s going to come and find him.

No one’s going to speak to him, or wish him a happy birthday, if they even remember.

No one cares. And that’s okay, usually.

But not today. Today, he just lays on the bed, shrouded in darkness, sighs softly, texts Christopher and Maddie a thanks, and lets the silence reign.

* * *

They’re all sitting around in the kitchen when Eddie looks up at the silence with a frown. It’s not something he’s used to — usually they’re laughing, or there’s the clinging of cutlery, or Buck’s there to say something to stop the silence from making things awkward, but there’s just silence right now, and Eddie —-

Eddie realizes immediately why and feels something like bile climb up his throat, his brow furrowing when he tries to think about the last time he actually heard Buck’s voice. Looking around, Eddie finds himself not at all surprised to be unable to find Buck, and his heart begins pounding inside his chest, fast and hard as he stands up quickly, knocking his chair back and surprising everyone else.

Ignoring them, he leans over the railing of the level, looking for Buck down below, only frowning harder when he doesn’t find the younger man, letting out a small sigh of disappointment before turning around and looking at everyone else on the second level.

“Everything alright, Eddie?” Bobby asks, looking up from the stove where he’s cooking something for the team and Eddie can’t help but wonder when the last time Buck joined them for a meal, guilt coursing through him when he realizes just how much they’ve isolated Buck despite being apologized to.

“Anyone remember the last time Buck spoke?” Eddie asks, shoulders slumping, since he can remember the exact date, time and consequence of what was going on. The guilt courses through him, and he knows it’s what he should be feeling after his treatment of the man. Buck had asked him if he could see Christopher, hadn’t been sleeping well and wanted to see the little man to make sure he was okay and Eddie — Eddie had been absolutely  _ cruel _ to Buck and —

“Shit,” he whispers, remembering how he had thought to himself that day, that he’d make it up to Buck for his birthday, letting Christopher get him something that Buck would absolutely love. And that day was  _ today _ , and Eddie hadn’t even remembered.

“Shit,” he swears, louder than before as everyone stares at him. He knows they were talking about his question, trying to remember when they last heard Buck’s voice, but Eddie was so far gone past that point, that he didn’t care anymore when they tried to bring him back, asking what was going on.

Rushing down the stairs, Eddie bites the inside of his cheek as he makes his way towards the bunk area, knowing that Buck would always go there when he was tired or not feeling well. Knowing the man well enough, Eddie goes to the bunk room furthest away from the front, and places his hand on the doorknob, taking a deep breath before opening the door and then releasing it when he sees Buck on the bed. His shoulders slump, his body relaxing only a little bit as he steps into the room and closes the door, biting his lower lip as he turns on the light, watching as Buck stirs from the interruption of his sleep.

Eddie steps forward slightly, hesitant, but knowing he needs to do this, that Buck deserves this.

“Eddie?” He hears, Buck’s voice soft as his eyes squint before his hands come up and rub them, a small yawn breaking free. “What’s up?” Buck questions and Eddie lets himself relax even more, stepping closer to the bed and sitting on it, remembering when there was a time he would’ve gotten close to Buck without a thought, wrapping himself around the younger man with no worries.

He shakes the thoughts away from him though, knowing he needs to focus on apologizing to Buck, and —

“Say something else,” Eddie whispers, looking up at Buck with wide eyes, ignoring the way Buck blinks in confusion for a few minutes before tilting his head back.

“Buck, say something.  _ Anything _ . Yell at me, if you need to, but just let me hear your voice again,  _ please _ ,” Eddie begs, watching as Buck’s eyes widen even more and he swallows. 

“Why?” Buck eventually asks, and Eddie moves forward a bit, closing his eyes as Buck moves backwards, his heart hurting even though he knows he deserves the pain.

“Because I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was so shitty to you. I’m sorry I isolated you, and made you feel like you weren’t deserving to be here,” Eddie whispers, moving his hand to hold onto Buck’s, squeezing it a little when he sees Buck blow out a breath.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you didn’t have a voice here, because you do. You  _ belong _ here, Buck. You belong with us, and I’m sorry that I ever made you feel differently.” Eddie whispers, unable to stop himself from kissing Buck’s hands, watching the younger man carefully, even though he feels awkward since Buck is watching him right back.

“I miss your voice, Evan. And I’m sorry. And you definitely don’t have to speak if you don’t want to, especially since today’s your day, and it’s all about you, but I wanted to let you know.” Eddie adds, smiling softly when Buck moves closer to him.

“My day, huh,” Buck whispers and Eddie can’t help but let out a soft huff of laughter, letting his fingers interlace with Buck’s while humming in response.

“A while ago, I had told Christopher we could do something for your birthday. And then today, I realized we hadn’t planned anything, and it  _ was  _ your birthday. All because I realized how quiet it was. And then all I was feeling was  _ guilt _ , because I have been such a shitty friend to you, Buck.” Eddie can’t help but whisper, squeezing Buck’s hand once more when he notices the way Buck’s brow furrows at his words.

“Are you apologizing just because today’s my birthday, or --”

“God, no, Evan. I’m apologizing because I’m sorry. It just so happens that I finally realized how much of an ass I was  _ on _ your birthday,” Eddie chuckles, moving forward so his one hand caresses Buck’s cheek, and he feels something inside of him soar when Buck closes his eyes and leans into the touch.

“And you don’t have to forgive me right now, or ever. But I just needed to tell you how sorry I was. And show you, if need be,” Eddie continues, shrugging his shoulders while feeling something relax in him when Buck opens his eyes and smiles back at him.

“You guys have definitely been kind of terrible,” Buck chuckles and Eddie can’t help but snort, nodding his head as he moves even closer to Buck, placing his head on his knees and looking at the younger man carefully.

“But forgiving you? Eddie, man, you have to know that’s a no brainer,” Buck responds softly, his hands coming up to run through Eddie’s hair, a breath of relief escaping from him. Looking up at Buck, Eddie smiles, moving forward and kissing him, feeling like he’s come home after a long time of being lost.

“I’ll make it up to you, you know,” Eddie whispers after breaking away, moving so he’s sitting next to Buck but laying the two of them down, wrapping his legs and arms around Buck’s body, his own relaxing completely as Buck hums in response, turning towards him and kissing him.

“I missed you a lot, you know,” Buck whispers, a small pain coursing through Eddie’s body as he nods his head in understanding, hands wrapping around Buck’s face and neck as he breathes the younger man in. “I mean, I missed everyone, and doing everything with them, but I missed being with you and Christopher the most. Felt like I lost the two of you.” Buck whispers, sniffling and Eddie hates that, hates that he made his best friend feel that way.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, giving Buck an eskimo kiss before chuckling. “But I’m here now, and I’m not going to let you go again, alright?” Eddie adds, watching as Buck nods and then curls into him, head resting above his heart. For a few minutes, things are silent between them and Eddie finds himself slowly falling asleep, ignoring the pain in his body from the street fight he participated in the other night, knowing he’ll have to come clean about that eventually but not wanting to.

“Hey Eddie?” Buck questions, stirring the silence up as Eddie responds with a hum, opening his eyes to frown at the look on Buck’s face.

“Just because I was being isolated and ignored doesn’t mean I wasn’t observant. I’ve noticed the bruises and how you’ve been moving carefully, sometimes with a limp. Please tell me whatever it is you’re doing, you’ll stop it. I can’t lose you. Christopher can’t lose you.” Buck whispers, eyes wide as Eddie lets out a small sob, nodding his head before moving closer to rest his own head against Buck’s neck.

“I’ll try. I’ll need help. But I’ll definitely try,” Eddie ends up admitting, and Buck hums in response, holding onto him more tightly than he should.

“That’s all I ask,” Buck whispers, kissing his forehead. Eddie knows that not everything is perfect between them, and that they’ll have to talk about things later but right now, with their arms around one another, Eddie doesn’t mind letting the silence reign supreme in the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and concrit are lovely and appreciated. Come yell at me on my [tumblr](https://smartbuckley.tumblr.com).


End file.
